Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dick very happy bro
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
