The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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