I hate your face
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
