i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
