so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
