1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
