ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize