i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
