I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
