I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize