you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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