wanna go halves on a baby?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
