cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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