I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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