Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He better not be in your backpack
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
