I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
