We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
