Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
