I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
