the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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