Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
