allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
