Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My feet surprised me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
