Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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