If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
