After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
