My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
