Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
