I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
