you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
