Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
