there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
