Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
