when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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