Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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