i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
