what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
