just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
