He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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