it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
