he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
