and you said cock pushups were impossible
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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