there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
