I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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