Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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