do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize