you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
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And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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