I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
