So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
