Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?

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  (515): Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out? http://tfl.nu/ragd
  Replies (48) Good night (1015) Bad night (2074)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.

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  (503): I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz. http://tfl.nu/wgvl
  Replies (84) Good night (2172) Bad night (6265)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.

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  (817): My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday. http://tfl.nu/n9me
  Replies (20) Good night (1052) Bad night (2853)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.

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  (404): They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans. http://tfl.nu/hk9w
  Replies (14) Good night (7372) Bad night (1037)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.

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  (778): It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman. http://tfl.nu/chx9
  Replies (8) Good night (1857) Bad night (1493)
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  (714): View more from California

  It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.

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  (714): It's a self-perpetuating puke chain. http://tfl.nu/kvdz
  Replies (2) Good night (605) Bad night (1434)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.

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  (248): We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod. http://tfl.nu/ciwq
  Replies (3) Good night (2149) Bad night (1579)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!

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  (+44): He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again! http://tfl.nu/ztd6
  Replies (9) Good night (814) Bad night (1356)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?

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  (443): This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled? http://tfl.nu/awza
  Replies (3) Good night (1101) Bad night (477)
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  (415): View more from California

  Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you

  (831): View more from California

  He's CUTE. and foreign

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  (415): Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you (831): He's CUTE. and foreign http://tfl.nu/untm
  Replies (2) Good night (1140) Bad night (432)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"

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  (702): I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le" http://tfl.nu/jcjk
  Replies (4) Good night (687) Bad night (956)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Let me tell you the story of bicurious george

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  (508): Let me tell you the story of bicurious george http://tfl.nu/xwje
  Replies (8) Good night (1509) Bad night (584)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.

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  (512): I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again. http://tfl.nu/arot
  Replies (5) Good night (832) Bad night (2126)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST

  (573): View more from Missouri

  TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL

  (573): View more from Missouri

  AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT

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  (573): BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST (573): TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL (573): AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT http://tfl.nu/zuh3
  Replies (5) Good night (578) Bad night (310)
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  (716): View more from New York

  They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.

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  (716): They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them. http://tfl.nu/wksg
  Replies (1) Good night (472) Bad night (243)

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