I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
