im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.