The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
