im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
