And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
