Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
