If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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