My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
