Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
