I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
