you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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