Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
