Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
