they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
