He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
